Happy 13th Birthday Shannon

My dear Shannon,

Amazing how quickly time passes by. It has taken me a couple days to write this note to you because I miss you terribly and my heart breaks every day that I do not see you and be a part of your life building life long mother daughter memories together. We use to do so much together this time of year especially because your birthday was close to 
Halloween.

You turned a sweet 13 on Saturday. Wow. How quickly time passes. You are officially a teenager now. I recall what I thought were those adult like grown-up feelings. It's very exciting. Yet with that comes more responsibility.  I know you are growing up to be a very responsible young lady, but with each mile stone you take on more.

Don't rush to grow up so fast. You will someday wish you were child like again.

You are very special Shannon and have overcome so much in you life so far. I can not begin to tell you how proud I am of you. You have over come so many health challenges which I wrote about here if you would like to read it. 

Most of all, miss your hugs. Wish I was able to celebrate Halloween today with you and your birthday.  We had so much fun dressing up, playing w hair and make up, and coming up with costume ideas and getting the house ready for trick or treaters. We had one of the most decorated houses in our town. Not sure if you remember. 

I wish I was able to build more fond memories together. Unfortunately,  I have many obstacles in my way preventing me from doing that.

Know this ... I love you ... I miss you ... Me not being being able to see you, put my arms around you and love as any other mother would do is not my choice. 

Happy 13th Birthday beautiful girl. Have a wonderful night trick or treating. 
Stay safe.

All my love always,
Your mother

Happy 10th Birthday Kelly

To my precious Kelly,

Today is a big day for you. My baby turns 10!!! You came into this world kicking and screaming at 11:44am today ten years ago. How fast time flies by. You had made your strength, tenacity,  and independent personality known even while you were in my belly. You spent the last two weeks in my belly trying to kick your way through to this side of life, but every day I went to the hospital,  I was sent home. What some may see as a challenge, I saw the birth of my baby girl who some day will be self sufficient, strong, and independent.  I was very happy and grateful.

You are a blessing to us. We love and miss you very much.  We wish we were allowed to share in your joys, triumphs,  sadness, sickness, school trips, projects, etc, but sadly we are not allowed to be a part of your life. I am very sorry I have not participated in life with you.

Know I miss you and love you deeply. Know I have done everything possible to try to protect you from harm and be in your life to share in building memories together. Know I wish I was allowed to spend this special day with you in celebration.

All I can do at this moment,  is to continue to write to you, and hope for some day that we are reunited and can once again share in life's experiences together.

Happy 10th Birthday baby girl.

All my love as always,
Your Mother

Happy First Day of School

Hi girls,

As you set up your first day back to school, a new adventure begins. It's a new year and a new beginning for you you. Many great exciting things await you. So focus on that.

As I scroll through facebook today,  seeing all the proud parents post pictures of their children's first day back,  I am stricken with saddeness. I am saddened that I am not able to share in this big day with you and reminded that this is the 6th school year I am been denied sharing with you. My heart yearns for you and all the great things we have missed out on over the years. All I have are the memories to cherish before you were taken away by your father in September 2007.

I want to wish my babies a good safe first day of school today. ... that is assuming you start today not next
week.

I miss you and love you and hope to speak to you this evening.

All my love always,
Your Mother
xoxoxo

Happy Sweet 16th Alexandria

To my sweet 16 daughter,

Today is your sweet 16th birthday. 

You are an amazing daughter with a lot of compassion.  You have amazed me ans impressed me with who you are.

At age 3, I remember when your sister was born, you were so eager to hold your newborn sister and nuture her.

You were mom's perfect little helper when your sister was sick wanting to help care for her including assistance wirh diapers to feeding. You will be a wonderful mom some day.

I remember going to pick you up at pre-school and I was surrounded by many teachers thinking and wondering what trouble you got into. Only to be amazed by your teachers inquiring what I was teaching you at home because they did an exercise on what you want to be when you grow up, and you said millionaire.  I told them, I wanted to teach you the value of money and that money is earned. You recall how we did that using 2L bottles?

I remembered when you designed greeting card line to benefit Katrina victims. I was so proud of you.
I also remember when you used to help rescue many animals. One in particular was named baby Hope, a newborn field mouse. You would come in my room at all hours of the night to make sure I fed Baby Hope and that she was ok.
I also remember the day you asked to go around our neighborhood to collect donations for hospice and even asked if you could have a contest w your sister to see who can raise more.
Then, when your sister almost lost her toe, you stepped up and held your sister's foot together in your lap while in route to the ER. You were sooooo amazing. A hero to your little sister.
I am very proud of you Ally. I miss you very much. My heart breaks every day that I don't see you.
I pray some day you will come to know I did everything possible to try to be with you girls.
I wish I was celebrating your 16th birthday today with you. It's a very special day and I hope you have a wonderful day today no matter what. I am proud of you and I love you very much.
Happy 16th Birthday
All my love always,
Your Mother

My love for you is eternal

As I sit here this morning girls preparing to head to courthouse trying to relax my nerves as what the system has done to tear us apart and destroy our family has been extremely difficult for me.

Your father asked the courts to incarcerate me again last week on July 10th.  This is despite my compliance with the court's requests to the best of my ability despite my financial limitations.  He refused 100% of what I offered the courts including the 100% proceeds (after fees and taxes and penalties) from Alexandria's educational account and my IRA that he got the court to liquidate and then stated "the only way she will learn her lesson is to incarcerate her".

However, I saw this picture today and it rang true.

Nothing and NO one has the power to take away the love I have for my three daughters. NO amounts of threats, deterrents, or abuse will ever change that.
You girls give me strength to carry on and be the kind of mother you deserve.

I love you. No one can change that. Ever!

This song is for you girls

Watch "MISHKA - NEVA GIVE UP" on YouTube
I heard this today and it instantly made me think of you.
This song is for you girls. I love you. I miss you terribly. AND I will never give up on you no matter who threatens us or prevents us from being together, because with each new day, we are closer to being together again.
Love,
Your Mother
xoxoxo

Why you did noy hear from me on Wed May 22nd

Hi girls,
Been trying to find the best way to first apologize for not calling you on Wednesdsay, May 22nd and to explain to why I didn't.
First, I want you to know that you not getting a call from me wasn't my choice. Some may tell you it was my fault, but those people did not experience what I did.
As I told you, I have not been  physically well for a while now. You also know I have been desperately trying to find a way to see you. I miss you girls terribly.
There is a current pending appeal that limits and restricts my ability to having any kind normal relationship with you. Your father and courts are well aware I am financially destitute. Yet your father filed a motion specifically asking the courts to put me in jail despite this pending Appeal and his request was granted.
So the reason you missed a call was because I was placed at Framingham State Prison where I was not allowed to call you that evening.
I am sorry. I don't have any solutions. I have been trying, but sadly unsuccessful so far w/o money.
No one will tell me WHY you are kept from me despite my repeated requests.
I don't want to go into my legal issues with your father as that is between us and not you. However, I felt it was important you know why I was not able to call you.
Some day, I pray to be reunited with you. Hold you in my arms. Hug and squeeze you.
I wish I could explain the pain I feel not being a part of your life and teaching you the basic lessons in life.
I hope one day you can forgive me.
All my love, 
Your Mother
xoxoxoxo

Why Mother's Day is So Difficult Not Being With You

To my dearest children,

Yesterday was a difficult day for me as it is every year on Mother's Day. I miss you terribly and love you very much.

I decided to write these notes to you in hopes you understand some day the difficulties I may experience in my efforts to be reunited with you once again as well as for you to know that no matter how far the distance, I am always with you as we are connected in ways no one can ever change. 

It has been a rough Mother's Day not being with you girls and having little to no contact with you since September 2007 despite my ongoing efforts that have been twarted to prevent us from being together.

As my heart aches for you, my heart also goes out to all the other protective parents who have had their children stolen from them as well on this Mother's Day. I have learned when we can band together with one united voice is when change will happen. Our children are depending on it.

I love you dearly and there has not gone a day I have not missed you wishing I could hold you in my arms once again.

All my love,

Your Mother

xoxoxoxo

It is Because of You, I Get Back Up

It is because of you ... my three beautiful daughters .... that I find the strength to get back up.  I am doing my best to stay strong for you girls and will keep getting back up no matter how many times injustice smacks me back down. You my life!!!! I love you and miss you terribly.

I look forward to hopefully speaking with you this evening despite the fact we can not talk freely on the phone due to the tape recordings of our calls. Some day you will have the confidence to speak your truths. Hopefully through these note, you will gain the power and strengh to stand tall and speak YOUR truth.

All my love,

Your Mother

Thinking of you while down Nantasket

Hi girls,

I am walking along Nantasket Beach thinking about you and wondering what I could have done to be a better mother to you girls that would have prevented all the pain and suffering you have gone through.

I am sitting here wondering what tbe solution is to all this. I know we can not undo the damage to the mother daughter bonds ripped away from us unjustly.  However, I am saddened at my ability to find the solution.

It has been so long since I have held you in my arms, nursed you back to health, and cheer you on with your accomplishments. 

My heart is breaking at all the time we have lost together and unless a miracle happens, I am not sure if we will ever be together again.

All I can do is pray and search for a solution.

In the meantime, I do collect various shells, rocks, and other sea artifacts in hopes you will remember I love you and miss you and have never stopped fighting to be with you.

All my love

Your Mother

May 7th 2013

Good morning girls,

Been thinking about you and missing you. Yesterday was a short victory in court, but with all victories come a price.

Regardless of what happens and no matter what the battle, I love you.

I will never give up on you no matter what threats come my way. The truth in the end shall prevail. And that is what I hold onto until we can someday be reunited.

Shannon, remember what I have taught you about honesty?  No matter what, I will ALWAYS tell you the truth no matter what. I want you girls to do the same. Only the truth can set you free, and lies ALWAYS catch up with you.

In the meantime, know I love you and miss you terribly wishing I could hold you tight, protect you, and build wonderful memories together.

All my love always,

Your Mother

Praying for a miracle

I pray for a miracle every day and hope it will come soon!!! I love you girls!!!

All my love ALWAYS,

Your Mother

I Miss You Girls

I love you Alexandria, Shannon, and Kelly. Always have. Always will no matter what anyone says. My love for you will NEVER change. Miss you girls very much.

 

 

Morning thoughts of you

Nantasket Beach, Hull, MA 4/29/13 3pm

Morning girls,

 

I just want you to know that I was thinking about you this morning missing you terribly. 

 

I was at Nantasket Beach yesterday afternoon enjoying the nice warm 73 degree weather. All the while there, I was also wishing you were with me reminiscing about all the fun times we have had at the beach together. The sun was warm and water brisk.  There is something refreshing about the sounds of the ocean ... the fine mist of ocean spray in the sun filled air against your face ... and the smell of the ocean air. All the time wishing you were enjoying this time with me.

 

You probably would have laughed yesterday watching your mother get splashed by a big wave wearing my clothes that I wore to work at the college.

 

We have so many good memories together, and right now that is all I have until we are reunited.

 

I miss you girls very much and no matter what anyone tells you .... I love you and I want to be with you. I am doing my best to find out how. Until that day comes, make me proud by being a loving support to each other and do well in school.

 

I love you!

 

All my love ALWAYS,

 

Your Mother

xoxoxoxo