Happy 14th Birthday Shannon

To my beautiful Shannon,

 

It is hard to believe 14 years have passed.  You are a beautiful human being, Shannon,  with a generous compassionate soul. I am super proud of you.

 

I remember when you almost lost her toe at the age of 5. Your big sister, Alexandria, stepped up to the plate to help. She comforted you and held your foot together in her lap while in route to the emergency room. She was sooooo amazing with you. She made me proud that day. I remember the question you asked me that day too. Do you recall?

 

You said,  "Mommy is it gonna hurt". Do you remember what I said?... I said, "Shannon,  I want you to remember one thing. I want you to remember that no matter what I will always tell you the truth. No matter what. No matter how much it hurts. I will always tell you the truth. You need to know that. So as far as your toe, it is going to hurt, and the doctors are going to give you medicine so it doesn't hurt anymore."

 

Shannon, my stance still remains. That no matter what, I will always tell you the truth. There is nothing more important than open honesty. Without it, there is no trust.

 

I also remember another time when we were raising money for hospice. I remember how you and your sisters came to me and asked me if you can go around the neighborhood to ask the neighbors for donations for the walk for hospice. I remember how you wanted to compete with your older sister for who can raise more money. I will never forget that day and how proud you made me feel to be your mother.

 

I wish I knew how big and beautiful I know you are now. I love you Shanney and miss you deeply.  I only wish for your dreams to come true on your very special day today.  That's I want for you.

 

I do wish I was able to spend your special day with you. I miss that. I know we can't get back the years we have lost Shannon,  but I'm trying very hard to be in your future. I keep one motto alive, Shannon,  and that is "as each day passes, we are one day closer".  NO ONE can ever take away our bond unless we let them. There will be a day you are old enough to come see me on your own without being forced to stay away from me, and I look forward to that day everyday.

 

My heart breaks not having any contact with you whatsoever ... no phone, no email, no social media,  no visitations, no interactions at all. There are no words I can say to you that would rectify the problem. 

 

I pray every day for a miracle to change that. You need to know this to be true. I know your father tells you differently.  However, I'm a believer in karma, and a believer the truth will set you free. Some day you will be old enough to understand the pains and hell I went through to be with you ... to keep you safe ... to be in your life building life long mother daughter bonds and memories.  You will see the truth.

 

 

I truly hope one day you can forgive me for failing you ... failing to protect you ... failing to keep you safe ... failing to convince the family courts we belong in each other's lives ... failing to convince your father to stop his obsessive assaultive attacks on me, your grandfather,  and the rest of the family so you and I could have a normal mother daughter relationship. 

 

I am sorry you have been subjected to the abuse and deprived of a loving mother daughter bond as well as a loving relationship with the rest of your mother's entire side of the family as well as extended family like Auntie Beth, Hannah,  Auntie Vickie,  and Auntie Joyce . I did everything I could, I wish things were different and I had the assets.  Remember not everything you hear or see can be believed. You are smart Shannon. Time will bring forth truth and heal all wounds.

 

 

For now, all I wish is for you to know I'm thinking of you, praying you have a wonderful day, and that YOUR hopes and dreams come true not what someone else forces you to believe. 

 

I love you. Never doubt that.  I miss you. Never doubt that. 

Happy birthday sweetheart.

 

All my love ALWAYS,

Your Mother
xoxo

 

 

PS I asked your sister to make a card for me to give to you. I instructed her on what to say. Hope you got it since you never seem to receive any mail I send to you.